Use them. One of the major differences between men and women is how they use words. Woman like to talk; men don't. That's just the way it is. You might spend three hours watching a football game with your son and never say a word - and both of you would be happy. But your daughter isn't wired like that. You have to talk to her. A good rule of thumb is to use twice as m,any words as you normally would, even if it means just saying tings twice. Daughters can be prone to self-doubt. Pay her compliments repeatedly, so she knows you're sincere
When she talks she wants you to respond. Your daughter is sensitive not only to herself, but to others, and is always asking herself: Does he like being with me? Is he quiet because he's thinking about something? Is he angry? Is he depressed? She wants you to be happy becasue then her life is better. She'll often act as your personal aide, doing what she can to improve things. Your are the center of her world.
In return, you need, first and foremost to tell her you love her. Not just on special occasions, but regularly. That might be easy when she's five, but she needs to hear it even more when she is fifteen. She needs to hear you say it all the time. When a daughter hears "I love you" from her father, she feels complete.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
You Are Her First Love
Thomas Aquinas regarded love as the root of all other passions - hate, jealousy, and fear - and when I talk to daughters about their fathers, the conversations are almost always emotionally charged. They adore their fathers or hate them - sometimes they do both simultaneously. Your daughter yearns to secure your love, and throughout her life she'll need you to prove it.
A daughter identifies easily with her mother, but you are a mystery to her. you are her first love, so the early years of your relationship with her a crucial. The love you give her is her starting point. You have other loves in your life, but she doesn't. Every man who enters her life will be compared to you; every relationship she has with a man will be filtered through her relationship with you. If you have a good relationship, she will choose boyfriends who will treat her well. If she sees you as open and warm, she'll be confident with other men. If you are cold and unaffectionate, she'll find it hard to express love in a healthy way.
When your daughter was born, oxygen was forced into her lungs so she could breathe. So too must love be pressed into her being if she is to grow into an emotionally sound woman.
You will naturally feel love toward your daughter - especially in those first years of life - but that doesn't guarantee she feels loved by you. Daughters' reactions to words, actions, and situations are more complex, reflective, and diverse than those of fathers. She will read a litany of possible meanings into every thing you do. When you you buy your daughter a bracelet for her birthday, you'll think of it as a straightforward gift. But she will think of it as fraught with meaning, good or bad.
A daughter identifies easily with her mother, but you are a mystery to her. you are her first love, so the early years of your relationship with her a crucial. The love you give her is her starting point. You have other loves in your life, but she doesn't. Every man who enters her life will be compared to you; every relationship she has with a man will be filtered through her relationship with you. If you have a good relationship, she will choose boyfriends who will treat her well. If she sees you as open and warm, she'll be confident with other men. If you are cold and unaffectionate, she'll find it hard to express love in a healthy way.
When your daughter was born, oxygen was forced into her lungs so she could breathe. So too must love be pressed into her being if she is to grow into an emotionally sound woman.
You will naturally feel love toward your daughter - especially in those first years of life - but that doesn't guarantee she feels loved by you. Daughters' reactions to words, actions, and situations are more complex, reflective, and diverse than those of fathers. She will read a litany of possible meanings into every thing you do. When you you buy your daughter a bracelet for her birthday, you'll think of it as a straightforward gift. But she will think of it as fraught with meaning, good or bad.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Leadership
When your daughter is born, she recognizes your voice as deeper than her mother"s. As a toddler, she looks up to your enormous frame and realizes that your are big, smart, and tough. In her grade school years, she instinctively turn to you for direction.
What ever outward impression she gives , her life is centered on discovering what you like in her, and what you want from her. She knows you are smarter that she is. She gives you authority because she needs you to love and adore her. She can't feel good about herself until she knows that you feel good about her. So you need to use your authority carefully and wisely. Your daughter doesn't want to see you as an equal. She want you to be her hero, someone who is wiser and steadier and stronger than she is.
The only way you will alienate your daughter in the long term is by losing her respect, failing to lead, or failing to protect her. If you don't provide for her needs, she will find someone else who will-and that's when trouble starts. Don't let that happen.
What ever outward impression she gives , her life is centered on discovering what you like in her, and what you want from her. She knows you are smarter that she is. She gives you authority because she needs you to love and adore her. She can't feel good about herself until she knows that you feel good about her. So you need to use your authority carefully and wisely. Your daughter doesn't want to see you as an equal. She want you to be her hero, someone who is wiser and steadier and stronger than she is.
The only way you will alienate your daughter in the long term is by losing her respect, failing to lead, or failing to protect her. If you don't provide for her needs, she will find someone else who will-and that's when trouble starts. Don't let that happen.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Daughters need good Fathers
Your daughter needs the best of who you are: your strength, your courage, your fearlessness. She needs your empathy, assertiveness, and self-confidence. She needs you.
Our daughters need the support that only fathers can provide - and if you are willing to guide your daughter, to stand between her and a toxic culture, to take her to a healthier place, your rewards will be unmatched. You will experience the love and adoration that can come only from a daughter. You will a feel pride, satisfaction, and joy that, satisfaction, and joy that you can know nowhere else.
Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers., They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up-or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration-or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.
When she's in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter's life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both. Boyfriends, brothers, even husbands can't shape her character the way you do. You will influence her entire life because she gives you an authority she gives no other man.
Our daughters need the support that only fathers can provide - and if you are willing to guide your daughter, to stand between her and a toxic culture, to take her to a healthier place, your rewards will be unmatched. You will experience the love and adoration that can come only from a daughter. You will a feel pride, satisfaction, and joy that, satisfaction, and joy that you can know nowhere else.
Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers., They might take their mothers for granted, but not you. They light up-or they cry. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration-or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.
When she's in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter's life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both. Boyfriends, brothers, even husbands can't shape her character the way you do. You will influence her entire life because she gives you an authority she gives no other man.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Perseverance
The character trai of perseverance is fast becoming lost in our culture. Greatness is born by pereverance in the face of adversity. Few things worth doing are ever easy.
Marriages and families sometimes face hard times. Boys must learn to persevere in the face of adversity if they are to struggle forward later, during the even tougher seasons of life. Persevrance is probably one of the toughest things to teach boys. it requieres us to reseit the ureg to rescue them when they are struggling. letting them suffer goes against our nature, but suffer they must if they are to develop the strength for the long haul.
James 1:2-4 speaks of persevering during tough times: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Marriages and families sometimes face hard times. Boys must learn to persevere in the face of adversity if they are to struggle forward later, during the even tougher seasons of life. Persevrance is probably one of the toughest things to teach boys. it requieres us to reseit the ureg to rescue them when they are struggling. letting them suffer goes against our nature, but suffer they must if they are to develop the strength for the long haul.
James 1:2-4 speaks of persevering during tough times: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Teach your Son Respect for Authority
"There are those who curse their fathers
and do not bless their mothers;
those who are pure in their own eyes
and yet are not cleansed of their filth;
those whose eyes are ever so haughty,
whose glances are so disdainful;
those whose teeth are swords
and whose jaws are set with knives
to devour the poor from the earth,
the needy from among mankind.
Proverbs 30:11-14
Too many people in our country are being raised without respect for authority. In order for your son to be a good leader, he has to understand hoe to be a good follower. Respect for authority also helps create appropriate boundaries in his life and teaches him self-respect.
"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience." Romans 13: 1-2, 5
Learning to understand, respect, and deal with the various forms of authority your son encounters will help him recognize God's authority over his own life. When he acknowledges that authority, he can begin the process of becoming a nob;e man worthy of leading a family.
and do not bless their mothers;
those who are pure in their own eyes
and yet are not cleansed of their filth;
those whose eyes are ever so haughty,
whose glances are so disdainful;
those whose teeth are swords
and whose jaws are set with knives
to devour the poor from the earth,
the needy from among mankind.
Proverbs 30:11-14
Too many people in our country are being raised without respect for authority. In order for your son to be a good leader, he has to understand hoe to be a good follower. Respect for authority also helps create appropriate boundaries in his life and teaches him self-respect.
"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience." Romans 13: 1-2, 5
Learning to understand, respect, and deal with the various forms of authority your son encounters will help him recognize God's authority over his own life. When he acknowledges that authority, he can begin the process of becoming a nob;e man worthy of leading a family.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Trustworthiness
To trust someone is to know that he will stand beside you - that he won't cut and run when the going gets tough. Preston Gillham says, "Trust is the confidence that continues to believe, even if what you believe appears to be untrue. To my way of thinking, trust is one step deeper than faith".
We are in a war - a spiritual war - and we need people around us we can trust to cover our backs - people who put our well-being ahead of their own. We need men who care enough about us and have our best interest at heart so much that they are willing to challenge our actions and decisions even if we get angry with them.
Men who are trustworthy are dependable. Can he be counted upon? Is his word his bond? Are his wife, children, and friends confident that he will be there for them when times are tough? A man who is dependable can be counted on to do what is best for you and others around him.
These are the kind of men we need as leaders. The Bible puts it this way: "But select capable men from all the people, men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain; and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times; let them bring every difficult case to you, but the simple ones they can decide themselves" (Exod. 18:21-22)
Talk to your son about your own life and what being able to trust someone means to you. If you have trouble trusting due to past experience, discuss it with him so that he can understand how trustworthiness is such a strong character trait in a man and how damaging it can be when violated
(Taken from "Better Dads, Stronger Sons" by Rick Johnson)
We are in a war - a spiritual war - and we need people around us we can trust to cover our backs - people who put our well-being ahead of their own. We need men who care enough about us and have our best interest at heart so much that they are willing to challenge our actions and decisions even if we get angry with them.
Men who are trustworthy are dependable. Can he be counted upon? Is his word his bond? Are his wife, children, and friends confident that he will be there for them when times are tough? A man who is dependable can be counted on to do what is best for you and others around him.
These are the kind of men we need as leaders. The Bible puts it this way: "But select capable men from all the people, men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain; and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times; let them bring every difficult case to you, but the simple ones they can decide themselves" (Exod. 18:21-22)
Talk to your son about your own life and what being able to trust someone means to you. If you have trouble trusting due to past experience, discuss it with him so that he can understand how trustworthiness is such a strong character trait in a man and how damaging it can be when violated
(Taken from "Better Dads, Stronger Sons" by Rick Johnson)
Friday, April 2, 2010
THINGS THAT MATTER
It's often hard to understand
From where the other comes.
It may seem as if we're marching
To the beat of different drums.
The songs I like, some things I do,
The way I cut my hair,
Must seem to you as very dull
Just as the clothes I wear.
Your youth is now...a different day
Than days when I was young.
Some things I never dreamed would be
Are things you live among.
But all the things that matter, son,
Are still the same today.
If only those we understand,
The rest shall fade away.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Don't be an April Fool
“The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ ” Psalm 14:1
Warning! It’s April Fools’ Day!
I’ve had a lot of AF jokes pulled on me, and I must admit that I’ve pulled off a few pretty good ones myself. But one thing I’ve noticed. No one likes being called a fool, much less being made to look like a fool. We like to think of ourselves as savvy, wise, and sharp—not easily tricked or duped. But when we measure ourselves by God’s standards, we might be surprised at how much we deserve the title.
Did you know, for example, that the Bible says we are fools if we . . .
One of the most penetrating “fool” passages in Scripture is recorded in Luke 12. Jesus told the parable of a rich businessman who had more wealth than he knew what to do with. After signing the papers for corporate expansion (bigger barns), he congratulates himself and decides to throw himself a party. Everyone in his town would have said he was a smashing success. But God had a different take on him: “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?” (v.20). Jesus concluded with the point: “So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12:21 ESV). It is indeed foolish to be satisfied with our own wealth and to have given no thought to becoming rich toward God by preparing for eternity, or as Jesus said to become rich toward God by giving our money away to the poor and to those in need (v.33).
When we recognize the rightful place of God in our hearts, our lives are wonderfully transformed to enjoy the rewarding results of wisdom—life from God’s point of view—rather than the embarrassing outcomes of a godless, foolish heart.
I hope you get to pull off a good April Fools’ joke today. In fact, you may even have a good-natured laugh at having one pulled on you. But, while all that is going on, don’t forget to honor God’s will and ways in your heart. Life is too short and too serious to live it as a fool!
YOUR JOURNEY…
Warning! It’s April Fools’ Day!
I’ve had a lot of AF jokes pulled on me, and I must admit that I’ve pulled off a few pretty good ones myself. But one thing I’ve noticed. No one likes being called a fool, much less being made to look like a fool. We like to think of ourselves as savvy, wise, and sharp—not easily tricked or duped. But when we measure ourselves by God’s standards, we might be surprised at how much we deserve the title.
Did you know, for example, that the Bible says we are fools if we . . .
- spread slander (Proverbs 10:18);
- think we’re right in our own eyes rather than listening to wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15);
- reject our father’s discipline (Proverbs 15:5);
- delight only in revealing our own mind rather than in understanding (Proverbs 18:2);
- are perverse in speech instead of walking in integrity (Proverbs 19:1);
- quarrel instead of keeping away from strife (Proverbs 20:3);
- always lose our temper (Proverbs 29:11)?
One of the most penetrating “fool” passages in Scripture is recorded in Luke 12. Jesus told the parable of a rich businessman who had more wealth than he knew what to do with. After signing the papers for corporate expansion (bigger barns), he congratulates himself and decides to throw himself a party. Everyone in his town would have said he was a smashing success. But God had a different take on him: “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?” (v.20). Jesus concluded with the point: “So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12:21 ESV). It is indeed foolish to be satisfied with our own wealth and to have given no thought to becoming rich toward God by preparing for eternity, or as Jesus said to become rich toward God by giving our money away to the poor and to those in need (v.33).
When we recognize the rightful place of God in our hearts, our lives are wonderfully transformed to enjoy the rewarding results of wisdom—life from God’s point of view—rather than the embarrassing outcomes of a godless, foolish heart.
I hope you get to pull off a good April Fools’ joke today. In fact, you may even have a good-natured laugh at having one pulled on you. But, while all that is going on, don’t forget to honor God’s will and ways in your heart. Life is too short and too serious to live it as a fool!
YOUR JOURNEY…
- Look back over the characteristics of a fool from the book of Proverbs. Are there any ways that “foolishness” has crept into your life?
- How might your life look a little bit like the rich fool described in Luke 12? Have you ever thought of giving away some of your money or possessions to the kingdom of God so that you could be rich toward Him?
- Maybe you haven’t said it, but are there ways in which you’re living as if there is no God? Take a few minutes to turn back to wisdom, which begins with “the fear of the Lord” (Proverbs 1:7).
Just Listen
If you want someone's friendship
Then while you both walk,
Just keep your mouth closed
And try not to talk.
Just Listen.
It is strange how people
Will think you so wise
When you don't say a thing.
But speak with your eyes
And just listen.
Two ears and one mouth
Was for us a good start.
When used in proportion
We become twice as smart,
So just listen.
Then while you both walk,
Just keep your mouth closed
And try not to talk.
Just Listen.
It is strange how people
Will think you so wise
When you don't say a thing.
But speak with your eyes
And just listen.
Two ears and one mouth
Was for us a good start.
When used in proportion
We become twice as smart,
So just listen.
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